Have you ever wished that the charismatic person we all know, that has everything going for them, will tell you their secret to being so successful?

Well, today I want to start by offering you a free no-tech people skill secret that I have learnt. Every time we meet face-to-face we have the ability to change the world and there is nothing quite like the power of face-to-face for the connection to success and charisma.

A bit of an introduction might be needed now. Hi’ I’m Tania and I’m a recovering people-pleaser, a human behaviour analyst and body language expert.

Like so many other people, I’m still in the process of overcoming a lifetime of people-pleasing. I constantly strive to move through my life unconcerned with the opinions of others, but truthfully, I don’t always achieve this.

Yes, I know even me, the professional body language expert , even I sometimes still get trapped inside the crippling weight of other people’s expectations and have to talk myself down from the ledge.

You see, most of my adult life has been one big struggle for validation, for people to like me. I was tortured by the idea that someone might not like me and had real trouble saying no. According to research, people-pleasers want everyone around them to be happy. And they will do whatever it takes to keep them that way. They put everyone else before themselves. For some saying yes is a habit. For others it’s almost an addiction, it makes them feel needed. It makes them feel important, like they are contributing to someone else’s life. But this people pleasing behaviour is usually at a great sacrifice of their own needs and wants and desires. And it is a behaviour that will catch up to you eventually.

And it did catch up to me and bit me on the ass, in a bad way. After a total collapse of my world as I knew it, I realised I needed help. I started doing a lot of searching and reading and crying to try and find the answers for how my life had become this mess. I was always so careful about having everything under control and perfect. And in my search I discovery their is a science to people. I discovered the people skills we all have but were never taught how to utilise correctly. I signed up for a certification course on power body language - our nonverbal behaviour, and people skills. Through the training I realised my nonverbal behaviour was up to …. I started on this amazing life changing journey and committed to changing my life and learning everything I can about human behaviour, body language, communication, the brain and personal development. I was hooked. Today I am proud to say I am a certified nonverbal communications coach and through a science based curriculum, I have changed my life for the better and have helped numerous people on the path of personal development and improving their self-worth and their habits.

I truly believe learning people skills should not be optional. Research shows that the best leaders and team members are high in emotional and social intelligence and when you have exceptional people skills everything becomes easier. Body language is a large pillar of emotional intelligence and self-awareness.

I became more and more passionate about the connection between body language, the brain, communication and well being. And as I went around different events speaking about my experience, I noticed two things. FIRST, that we are facing a miscommunication epidemic. And SECOND, that people deeply want to change the way they work and live. So much of our communication happens beyond our awareness, we make choices everyday about when to listen, when to question and when to speak up. I go beyond raising awareness and teach people how to improve their communication habits and how to unlock skills to reach their greatest potential.

You’d better believe, my life started changing the minute I started mastering these people skills. There were whole segments of my life where I’ve worked really hard to keep my eyes on my own values and not worry what others might think. Some examples of this is having big audacious dreams, massive goal setting. Being a proud working mother instead of buying into the special brand of oppression found inside mommy guilt. Daring to believe that I can change the world by helping people just like me and you feel brave and proud and strong.

I might still some days get tied up in the trappings of some stranger being mean or suffer from imposter-syndrome , but I no longer spend a single second of my life worrying about what others think of me for having dreams for myself. So, today I want to tell you, THE ONLY PERSON YOU WANT TO BE PLEASING IS YOU and that it’s okay to love yourself first. We have to stop apologising. Consistency is harder when no one is clapping for you. You have to clap for yourself during those times. You should always be your biggest fan.

You see big dreams shouldn’t have expiration dates. Listen up, it took me six years to get to this place, six years of concentrated, unrelenting effort. Of trying and failing. For everyone out there who’s family and friends and colleagues, doubts make you doubt yourself, don’t give up. You’re going to try again, don’t let doubt stop your dreams. When you continue you will go from OKAY to good, to better, to exceptional. I can’t begin to count the hours of believing in myself even when no one else did.

What we spend our time and mental energy focusing on, can indeed become reality. It’s so easy to look at the success someone has with their career or finances or relationships and believe they have some inherent gift or secret talent that got them there. We like to believe that they got lucky. It’s easier for us to believe that they got lucky. It’s easier to believe that someone is gifted in a way we’re not, because it lets us off the hook. But people listen, talent and success are not the same thing. There are plenty of talented people around who won’t ever succeed at anything because they won’t do the work. And you have to do the work consistently.

It’s okay if you don’t have the skills yet. Skills can be learnt, it’s okay if your not good at it yet. It’s okay if you don’t know how to yet. The answers are out there if you care enough to find them. And at the end of the day it all comes down to you. How bad do you want it? How hard are you willing to work for it? How many times will you stand up after you get knocked down? How long will you stay in the fight? Remember, nobody can choose this for you and no matter how much they love and support you, no one else can will you to be successful. This is who you are, versus who you know you can become and damn it, the vision you have for your life is worth the effort. YOU ARE MADE FOR MORE.

If you are still reading at this point, I want to thank you and I hope you can take something from the lessons I have learnt and had the privilege to share with you. My wish is for you to also go out and have an amassing, charismatic, and successful life. I hope we can meet face-to-face one day, and together we can harness the power and help each other reach the freedom and success we all deserve.

From the woman who believes there are no ordinary people and that if given a chance all will have something amassing to offer.

To your success.

Tania